The Job Interview

This is a job interview based on somewhat condensed questions, but with very real responses from the hypothetical job candidate. Even without any hint of sexual assault allegations, is this a guy you'd hire?

Interviewer (I): Good afternoon, Mr. O'Kavanaugh (O'K). We're here to see if you'd be a good fit for our organization. We're looking for a person of even temperament, a person of outstanding moral character.

I: First question, did you drink beer in high school?

Hypothetical job applicant during his interview

O'K: Yes, we drank beer.My friends and I, the boys and girls. Yes, we drank beer. I liked beer. Still like beer. We drank beer. The drinking age was 18, so the seniors were legal, senior year in high school, people were legal to drink, and we — yeah, we drank beer, and I said sometimes — sometimes probably had too many beers, and sometimes other people had too many beers…. We drank beer. We liked beer.

I: Um, okay. In your high school yearbook, it mentions "ralphing." Does that pertain to alcohol?

O'K: I was at the top of my class academically, busted my butt in school. Captain of the varsity basketball team. Got in Yale College. When I got into Yale College, got into Yale Law School. Worked my tail off.

I: Maybe you didn't understand the question, Mr. O'Kavanaugh. Does "the ralphing" reference pertain to alcohol?

O'K: I like beer.  I like beer. I don’t know if you do…. Do you like beer, (interviewer), or not? What do you like to drink? (Interviewer), what do you like to drink?

I: Um, let's kind of keep on this topic just a bit longer since you've mentioned, at times, that you had too many beers. Have you ever drunk so much that you've not remembered what happened?

O'K: No, I remember what happened. I think you've probably had beers, (interviewer). You're asking about blackouts,...have you? 

I: Um, what?

O'K: I'm curious if you have.

I: Let's move on. Is there anything else you'd like to say?

O'K: This whole (interview process) has been a calculated and orchestrated hit fueled with apparent pent-up anger about (the current organization CEO)  and (his ascension to the position), fear that has been unfairly stoked about my (job performance record), revenge on behalf of the (guy who ran this organization 17 years ago and his wife) and millions of dollars in money from (competing organizations)!

I: Thanks for coming in. We'll let you know.