(The None-yun is LeftBrainedPolitics satire--the first section is real news, the rest, not so much)
An attorney for former President Trump celebrated Friday's ruling that Trump could remain on the (Colorado) ballot. "We're pretty satisfied with the outcome," attorney Scott Gessler...said in an interview with CNN's Kaitlan Collins...His comments came after District Judge Sarah Wallace said that while she agreed with plantiffs that Trump "incited" the Jan. 6, 2021, riots at the Capitol, that 14th Amendment wording means it does not apply specifically to the presidency. Thus, she ruled in Trump's favor.
"Phew, what a relief," continued Gessler, "the judge only ruled Trump incited an insurrection."
Noting Collins's perplexed look, Gessler clarified, "With all the other crimes Trump's committed--business fraud, illegal hush money payments, sexual battery, defamation, withholding aid from Ukraine, witness intimidation, obstruction of justice, classified documents, political harassment, and this whole "overturning the election" thing, we were thinking it could have been a lot worse."
"So," asked Collins, "what's next?"
Gessler chuckled. "To be honest, we're hoping to turn this into more fundraising; his gullible base will eat it up if we can come up with a catchy phrase, such as we did with "collusion delusion." So far, though, the only rhyme we can come up with for "incitement" is "indictment," and Jack Smith's already spoken for that one."
"In the meantime," said Gessler," we'll have to just go with the old "tried and true" slogans that have always worked for us: "Witch Hunt!" "They're coming for you!" and "Hunter's laptop!" All the greatest hits..."
Trump, reached outside some courtroom somewhere, pronounced he had been "TOTALLY exonerated."
